In search of truth
Following on from my blog, In pursuit of God (a), I was in my late 20s with 2 children in school, one in pre-school and a 2-year old at home. I loved being a mum so much and was lucky enough to be a stay-at-home mum. But right now I was beginning to think I’d been off track with my Christian beliefs and desperately needed to know the truth about what I should be believing! And I needed God to show me from the Bible – I did not want to ask anyone else, I needed to find this out on my own. Just me and God.
Do or die
Not unlike Hannah who had a desperate request from God – give me a child or I’ll die – I was on a quest for truth and could not rest until I found it. I become a person who was driven, which was very strange as I’d always been quite complacent. With 5 different versions of the Bible (NKJ, NIV, Good News, The Living Bible & KJV) in front of me and a good concordance I spent my days studying and comparing scripture with scripture, one version with another.
Passionately searching, seeking and allowing my beliefs and mindsets to be challenged. And I began to pray! I prayed and prayed day and night, asking God to show me the truth, telling God that I was willing to lay aside everything that I had formerly believed to be truth if he would show me His Truth. I reasoned that if I could not entrust everything to God, who is the creator and giver of truth, I certainly couldn’t trust anyone else.
Let go and let God…
There was a popular Christian song around this time that went, “I’m going to let go and let God do what he wants to do with me…” I literally did this! There is something very frightening about opening yourself up to admit that the things you have believed and held dear may have been wrong, and allowing them to be challenged and tested for robustness. It involves giving up control – a scary place to be! This is particularly true with religious beliefs and mindsets, because people tell you that if you don’t believe this or that you will go to hell… I read once that leaving a church and a belief-set that you believed to be true is similar to a divorce and in my experience that pretty much sums it up.
This time of intense study, seeking and prayer continued for 18 months and there were times I wondered if I would lose my mind. I had a few verses of scripture that became my lifeline and helped me trust God in spite of everything. I prayed throughout the day, I prayed in the evening. I would go to sleep praying and I’d wake up praying. My sleep patterns were disrupted permanently, but in the end I found God and I found truth, and my life was changed forever!
Here are 3 of my favourite scriptures that gave my hope and helped me to trust the Lord during my quest to find truth:
John 10:27-29 “My sheep know my voice… They will not follow another… no one can snatch them out of my hand.”
John 8:26 “When the Holy Spirit come he will lead you into all truth…”
Proverbs 3:5-6 “Trust in the Lord with all of your heart, do not rely on your own understanding. Acknowledge the Him in all your ways and He will direct your path.”
Thanks for reading my post, please leave a comment and share your thoughts. Until next time may the Lord bless you and keep you and cause his face to shine upon you.